Monday, June 28, 2004
Well, based on my incredable response to my last two posts I really know that I have quite the following. So to please my fans I give you today's post.
I just ate a box of granola bars, yes a box of them. But, with the exception of two slices of prosessed cheese, a bowl of oatmeal, and an avocado sushi role I haven't had anything else to eat.
That just means that I will have to spend double the usual time in the gym whcih was probably my subliminal way of making myself reach out and make new friends. Beside my aunt I have had very little human interactions here in NY. The gym has been my only hope, and last week when I saw the same guy two days in a row at the same time I thought to myself I could make a friend. Well, others could have made a friends, others could have at least started a conversation, but me? I instead have all those shy thoughts that streak through my head, 'he'll think you like him' 'that old lady over there is probably his girlfriend and then she'll get mad at you for talking to him and next time she is on the treadmill and you want to get on it will be tough luck' or the everpopular 'you'll just sound stupid' So, traped in my own prison i am forced to observe from afar.
I finished all 600 pages of 'The Corrections' it was pretty good, well written just not unbelievable. Now as emarassing as it is I'm reading 'It's My F---ing Birthday which while very funny I simply can't relate. The fear of turning 40 honestly hasn't hit yet, I get along fine for the most part with my parents and problems in the male department aren't really anything to complain about sooooo...
hmmm The Male Department, I kinda like that, maybe should make that into a daily column. I think the world needs my advice, there are too many winey woman out there saying there are no good men. Bull Shit. Just make sure they have blue eyes ;)
Comments-[ comments.]
I just ate a box of granola bars, yes a box of them. But, with the exception of two slices of prosessed cheese, a bowl of oatmeal, and an avocado sushi role I haven't had anything else to eat.
That just means that I will have to spend double the usual time in the gym whcih was probably my subliminal way of making myself reach out and make new friends. Beside my aunt I have had very little human interactions here in NY. The gym has been my only hope, and last week when I saw the same guy two days in a row at the same time I thought to myself I could make a friend. Well, others could have made a friends, others could have at least started a conversation, but me? I instead have all those shy thoughts that streak through my head, 'he'll think you like him' 'that old lady over there is probably his girlfriend and then she'll get mad at you for talking to him and next time she is on the treadmill and you want to get on it will be tough luck' or the everpopular 'you'll just sound stupid' So, traped in my own prison i am forced to observe from afar.
I finished all 600 pages of 'The Corrections' it was pretty good, well written just not unbelievable. Now as emarassing as it is I'm reading 'It's My F---ing Birthday which while very funny I simply can't relate. The fear of turning 40 honestly hasn't hit yet, I get along fine for the most part with my parents and problems in the male department aren't really anything to complain about sooooo...
hmmm The Male Department, I kinda like that, maybe should make that into a daily column. I think the world needs my advice, there are too many winey woman out there saying there are no good men. Bull Shit. Just make sure they have blue eyes ;)
Wednesday, June 09, 2004
Two men masterbated to me today.
Well, ok that is a little misleading. One man masterbated to me the other just made obscene gestures as if he was masterbating.
Back to me getting dressed this morning and perhaps a little too much information to post but I haven't done laundry in a long time and all I had left were the bras that I wear when I don't have any others left. No big deal my day was going to be spent cleaning and romantically sighing.
A few hours later I decided to replenish my supply of hot dog buns since I recently bought 28 hot dogs (see previous posts where I eat 2 pounds of onions and separate post where I eat 4 pounds of broccoli) so I'm walking to Jewel and there is this man walking towards me who shouts "That is Hot" and sticks his arm, not hand, his arm down his shorts and making visible movements in there. Now I'm hip to the male itch, the ball rearrangement, and all that jazz but his arm just stayed in there moving. He was making these horrific grunting noises and as I got closer he just started walking backwards while still facing me. SICKO
So now, not only am I freaked out and looking around to see if others are noticing this but I become very self aware of the added "bounce" in my step due to my inadequate supportive system.
I tried to slow down to do away with this jiggy walk but at the same time tried to walk faster to escape the criminal so what resulted was this awkward chicken walk.
I ended up turning around and crossing the street, getting honked at after forgetting to look BOTH ways.
The second guy just made one of those crass gestures as if to say "come suck it" which I guess is somewhat normal in my neighborhood of wierdos but so soon after the first incident just was too much!!
From now on, sports bras when going out =)
Comments-[ comments.]
Well, ok that is a little misleading. One man masterbated to me the other just made obscene gestures as if he was masterbating.
Back to me getting dressed this morning and perhaps a little too much information to post but I haven't done laundry in a long time and all I had left were the bras that I wear when I don't have any others left. No big deal my day was going to be spent cleaning and romantically sighing.
A few hours later I decided to replenish my supply of hot dog buns since I recently bought 28 hot dogs (see previous posts where I eat 2 pounds of onions and separate post where I eat 4 pounds of broccoli) so I'm walking to Jewel and there is this man walking towards me who shouts "That is Hot" and sticks his arm, not hand, his arm down his shorts and making visible movements in there. Now I'm hip to the male itch, the ball rearrangement, and all that jazz but his arm just stayed in there moving. He was making these horrific grunting noises and as I got closer he just started walking backwards while still facing me. SICKO
So now, not only am I freaked out and looking around to see if others are noticing this but I become very self aware of the added "bounce" in my step due to my inadequate supportive system.
I tried to slow down to do away with this jiggy walk but at the same time tried to walk faster to escape the criminal so what resulted was this awkward chicken walk.
I ended up turning around and crossing the street, getting honked at after forgetting to look BOTH ways.
The second guy just made one of those crass gestures as if to say "come suck it" which I guess is somewhat normal in my neighborhood of wierdos but so soon after the first incident just was too much!!
From now on, sports bras when going out =)
Sunday, June 06, 2004
I think it is a cross between my Mom and Daniel but it finally rubbed off on me. I am obsessed with books. I've red 10 books so far this summer and I have a list of 60 more to go. Friday and Saturday I had the opportunity to meet some of my all time favorite authors. Many of you know that David Sedaris holds a special spot in my heart. He just came out with his most recent book 'Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim' which I enjoyed but not as much as his other books which include 'Naked' 'Me Talk Pretty One Day' 'Barrel Fever' 'Holidays on Ice' Those I very highly recommend. They are the types of books that make you laugh out loud on a crowded bus! For the love of G-d...READ DAVID SEDARIS!! So Friday morning I camped out at the coffee shop across from the book store while of course reading ('How to Lose Friends and Alienate People' which was good but not as informative as I thought it would be, however the last few chapters made me really look at what I wanted in life, that's pretty deep huh?) My brother came down and after stalling for dinner and ice cream we camped by the bookstore which let us in two hours early and we were in the first group in!! We got way up front and an hour later when the short little gay guy strolled in with a pink shirt on I was all smiles. He came right up to us and said he would sign books now. Yippee, I had two made out to Bagderno which he said would be shortened. Then my bro gave him one to sign for Shelly, and one to sign to Beverly
Sedaris: who is Beverly
Brad: My sister
Sedaris: older or younger?
Brad: older, she is a REALLY big fan
Sedaris signs the book 'To Beverly, I had the pleasure of meeting your much smarter brother'
Brad even snagged a great picture of me with the queen of comedy.
He read a chapter from his new book and then some entries of his journal all of which were really funny. Q and A and then we left. Outside the bookstore there was a rap-around line of people that had been there since the reading.
I later found out that he signed books until 11:30 at night.
Next morning I was early to rise and set out on my adventure alone 20th annual Printer's Row Book Fair. Took the red line down to Harrison and eventually found Columbia college residential hall. Since there were very few people there I was nervous but quickly mad friends with another man there also to see Augusten Burroughs. This new friends was the one that told me he waited four hours last night to get his book signed. Eventually the room filled and I had a great front row seat. Augusten Burroughs wrote Running with Scissors, Dry, and Sellivision. I have read Running with Scissors and am anxiously awaiting to read the sequel Dry which apparently he wrote first. This guy has an AMAZING life story dude seriously this guy has stories to tell. First of all I'll fill you in that he changed his name legally when he was 18 first, middle, and last to get away from his childhood, good call! He is a recovering alcoholic and also keeps a detailed journal.
Anyone catching on to these great authors keep journals HELLO!?!
Next, Chuck Palahniuk who is best known for writing Fight Club but also Choke, invisible Monsters, lullaby, Survivor, Diary. Amazingly four more of his books are being made into movies!! The guy strikes me as a major nerd, I mean big time major nerd!! Serious Ben L. going on there! After scanning the audience for small children and pregnant women he began to read a short story that is being published soon entitled Guts. During the reading 2 people fainted and afterwards he informed us that this happens all the time! I believe it! The story was absolutely disgusting!! Got my books signed and he gave me a package of forget me not flower seeds that he also signed. Total nerd that is obviously impressed with his success, that turns me off. I recommend 'Choke' but did not really care for invisible Monsters.
The last speaker I went to was Dave Eggers. This author was highly recommended to me at one of my infamous table of Eights and has become one of my favorite authors even though he only has two books they are both GREAT First read 'A heartbreaking work of Staggering Genius' and then read 'You Shall Know our Velocity' For those of you who are Real World fans he made a brief appearance while one of the guys on I think San Fran got involved in his start up magazine. He read some short stories, soon to be published talked about some of his new projects great Q & A and FYI if anyone sees the book Giraffe Giraffe BUY IT!! After getting my books signed I was free to roam the book booths but by this time they were all picked over.
So long story short, I'm in love with books and have plenty of recommendations for any reader. Fiction, non-fiction, funny, deep, wha-ever. If you have a book to recommend to me please leave a post.
Comments-[ comments.]
Sedaris: who is Beverly
Brad: My sister
Sedaris: older or younger?
Brad: older, she is a REALLY big fan
Sedaris signs the book 'To Beverly, I had the pleasure of meeting your much smarter brother'
Brad even snagged a great picture of me with the queen of comedy.
He read a chapter from his new book and then some entries of his journal all of which were really funny. Q and A and then we left. Outside the bookstore there was a rap-around line of people that had been there since the reading.
I later found out that he signed books until 11:30 at night.
Next morning I was early to rise and set out on my adventure alone 20th annual Printer's Row Book Fair. Took the red line down to Harrison and eventually found Columbia college residential hall. Since there were very few people there I was nervous but quickly mad friends with another man there also to see Augusten Burroughs. This new friends was the one that told me he waited four hours last night to get his book signed. Eventually the room filled and I had a great front row seat. Augusten Burroughs wrote Running with Scissors, Dry, and Sellivision. I have read Running with Scissors and am anxiously awaiting to read the sequel Dry which apparently he wrote first. This guy has an AMAZING life story dude seriously this guy has stories to tell. First of all I'll fill you in that he changed his name legally when he was 18 first, middle, and last to get away from his childhood, good call! He is a recovering alcoholic and also keeps a detailed journal.
Anyone catching on to these great authors keep journals HELLO!?!
Next, Chuck Palahniuk who is best known for writing Fight Club but also Choke, invisible Monsters, lullaby, Survivor, Diary. Amazingly four more of his books are being made into movies!! The guy strikes me as a major nerd, I mean big time major nerd!! Serious Ben L. going on there! After scanning the audience for small children and pregnant women he began to read a short story that is being published soon entitled Guts. During the reading 2 people fainted and afterwards he informed us that this happens all the time! I believe it! The story was absolutely disgusting!! Got my books signed and he gave me a package of forget me not flower seeds that he also signed. Total nerd that is obviously impressed with his success, that turns me off. I recommend 'Choke' but did not really care for invisible Monsters.
The last speaker I went to was Dave Eggers. This author was highly recommended to me at one of my infamous table of Eights and has become one of my favorite authors even though he only has two books they are both GREAT First read 'A heartbreaking work of Staggering Genius' and then read 'You Shall Know our Velocity' For those of you who are Real World fans he made a brief appearance while one of the guys on I think San Fran got involved in his start up magazine. He read some short stories, soon to be published talked about some of his new projects great Q & A and FYI if anyone sees the book Giraffe Giraffe BUY IT!! After getting my books signed I was free to roam the book booths but by this time they were all picked over.
So long story short, I'm in love with books and have plenty of recommendations for any reader. Fiction, non-fiction, funny, deep, wha-ever. If you have a book to recommend to me please leave a post.
Wednesday, June 02, 2004
I'm walking down Belmont on the way back from a dinner and used book store outing when I saw him. I was 95% sure it was him. He was only a few steps away so in my defense I didn't have any time to prepare. Since I wasn't sure it was him I had to test the waters so I mumbled under my breath as I passed him "Donkey Punch Lives" I took two extra steps pass him then turned around to see if he had noticed. He had, Eric Day, gave me a smile and I in return gave him ... a thumbs up?!?! who does that? But the embarassment of course does not stop there. My thumbs up turned into the finger gun and I pulled the trigger at him. Shelly immediately laughed at this apparently odd gester. I admit. Somewhere deep down inside me...I'm retarted.
All of the Donkey Punch memories came rushing back. Driving in Avi's car to pick up Papa John's pizza out in bumble for Wednesday night pizza parties listening to Donkey Punch. Going to the Blind Pig with Chris, Saulius, Avi, et al. Seeing Eric Day at a party smashed out of my mind and confessing my love for him and securing a picture with him. Showering while singig along with some of the finest tunes out of Ann Arbor ever! -sigh- I'm still Fucked up for you!
Comments-[ comments.]
All of the Donkey Punch memories came rushing back. Driving in Avi's car to pick up Papa John's pizza out in bumble for Wednesday night pizza parties listening to Donkey Punch. Going to the Blind Pig with Chris, Saulius, Avi, et al. Seeing Eric Day at a party smashed out of my mind and confessing my love for him and securing a picture with him. Showering while singig along with some of the finest tunes out of Ann Arbor ever! -sigh- I'm still Fucked up for you!
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